2. Take one of her chores and make it yours
As a stay-at-home wife and mother, I'm the one who does most of the household chores. However, when my husband makes the time to help around the house, it's sincerely appreciated. In our house, he's taken on the role of dishwasher. I cook for our family almost every night. After a day of taking care of children, followed by cooking, and the children's bedtime routine, it's so nice not to face the dishes. His choice to help me in that area makes me feel like taking care of our house is a partnership.
4. Serve others
There's something powerful that happens when your spouse works to serve others. It shows you their compassionate side--something we may not always see in the day-to-day marriage relationship. Your spouse's community service or service within the church is a reminder of their goodness and also works to teach your children to be selfless and help others. Tim plays drums and piano for our church's worship band. I love seeing him on stage leading our congregation in praise, while our kids applaud and imitate him in the front row.
6. Do a relationship check
You may think you're both on the same page in your relationship when the reality is far different. Set aside time to talk to your wife (when neither of you is preoccupied, stressed, tired, or hungry) and ask her how she feels about your marriage. Are there areas where she wants to see improvement? Be open to hearing things you don't expect, and look for ways you can resolve her concerns. Go into this conversation expecting that she'll want you to adjust some things and keep your defenses down. She will be pleased when she sees that you really want to know how she feels and that you desire to better your marriage. P.S. Be prepared for great sex after this conversation.
9. Take the kids so she has time to herself
If you have children, your wife needs a break. Period. As a stay-at-home mom, I usually have the kids for 12 hours before my husband comes home from work. Needless to say, I'm exhausted when he arrives. And I know he is, too, but in order for me to maintain some sanity, I need a moment to myself. In our family, it looks like this: Tim takes care of bathtime on the weekdays and then he takes the kids for a couple hours on Saturday mornings. It allows me enough of a breather to recharge and feel like a human again.
10. Say "Thank you"
The importance of a simple, "thank you" is underestimated. Thank your wife, for everything. She doesn't HAVE to do everything she does for you, your family, your friends, and your home. She chooses to because she loves you and values you. She wants to take care of you and please you. Thank her after she prepares a meal, after a long day of caring for your children, when she cleans the house, and when she entertains your company. She'll be more apt to continue caring for you with a joyful heart if she knows you appreciate all her efforts.
12. Continue learning how to be good man
Make it a point to continue to grow as a man, husband, and father. I suggest downloading the Family Talk and Focus on the Family apps. Both apps provide daily 30 minute broadcasts to help you thrive in the above areas. You can listen to these shows while you work out, on your commute, or while you get ready for work. Also consider reading books, joining a men's Bible study, or meeting regularly with another man you admire who can mentor you.
13. Offer grace
We're all going to make mistakes in our marriages. When you offer your wife grace, her heart will swell with thankfulness. A gentle response is so much more effective and lasting than an argument or judgment. If you respond to her failures in this way, she'll be more likely to do the same with you.
14. Read the Bible and apply it
Of any self-help book, study, or broadcast on the market, the Bible is the most effective resource on how to be a real man--the man your wife desires. This is the best, most encompassing resource to turn on your wife. If you can apply the principles in this book, you will be a humble, gentle, loving, respectful, respected, sexually moral, self-controlled, giving, patient, joyful (and irresistible) man. Cue turned on wife.
17. Rub her back
This goes back to the basics. A simple back rub can lead straight to the bedroom. After a long day, your wife will surely welcome your efforts to help her relax and alleviate her aches. The act of touching her in an innocent way will leave her appreciating your desire to simply make her feel better. Try not to expect anything immediately. If she knows you're doing it just for her enjoyment, she'll feel loved. She'll remember your efforts and hopefully repay them later.
18. Send her away for a weekend
Your wife deserves some quality time to herself, so she can truly refocus and refresh. Suggest that she go away for a weekend, by herself or with friends. Allow her the opportunity to put herself first once again. Let her enjoy a couple days where she doesn't have to take care of anyone else. This short break will enable her to be a better wife and mother when she returns. She'll also find herself missing you, which makes for a much-anticipated reunion.
20. Be a real man
Our culture has an extremely skewed view of men. The media typically depicts you as sexually immoral, lazy, incompetent, disrespected, irresponsible individuals. Your wife knows better, that's why she married you. She saw the man that she wanted to protect, lead, and love her. She saw the man that she wanted to raise children with. She saw the man that God intended you to be in this world. Don't succumb to society's view of you. Take your role seriously as the head of your home. Lead your family with purpose, dignity, and gentleness. If you do this, your wife will value you immeasurably--in and out of the bedroom.